This is a little short guide I made to get your girlfriend/wife/ whatever into games. It's a five day plan, so off we go....

Intro:

Let's be honest, if you've ever had a girlfriend, you know the drill. You pick up a joypad, she wants to watch desperate houswives. You want to go in Game; she says it smells like fat loners. You talk about the camouflage in Metal Gear, she dumps you for some high coloured rugby jock named barney. Barney! Honestly.

But why does it have to be that way? Wouldn't a world where your girlfriend could share your hobby - rather than tolerating it - be a happier place? Wouldn't you both be happier? Wouldn't you?

I think so. My friends have had girlfriends between us, and we can confidently say, EVERYONE likes videogames... some people just don't know it yet. So, in the interests of promoting the love between you, you and you lady loves, here the perfect guide to getting them into games. Don't thank me, just send pictures of them yelling and screaming as she gets killed by a zombie in Resident Evil.


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Day One... Remove the stigma

Before you can build, you need some firm foundations - and with someone who hates games this can be as basic as telling them that games aren't just for crumb strewn, porn loving, translucent skinned losers. Point out that that games are as valid as a medium as film or TV, as shown inclusion of stars like Pierce Brosnan (James bond Games) and Samual L Jackson (GTA: San Andreas). Counter her objection that they're violent, childish nonsense by pointing out the same thing could be said about movies - you just have to find the good stuff. And for heaven's sake, make sure you've already traded in your copy of Leisure Suit Larry.

Difficulty = Tough

Day Two.. Trick her into it

Before you get into the complexities of the right way up to hold a DualShock, you need a more gentle introduction. Leave an Eyetoy game running - she's sure to get intrigued as she walks past the TV, leaving you open to suggest a game of Singstar or Sega Supestars - something that doesn't even use a joypad. Better yet, make it into a communal event. My mates have seen girls who normally refuse to touch a joypad master complex menu systems under party conditions. Girls like to sing. Girls like to see themselves on TV. It's not Rocket Science.

Difficulty = Pretty easy

Day Three.. Teach her to hold the joypad

Now it's time to introduce the controller - but that doesn't mean you have to throw her at the deep end of a real-time stratagy game that uses every single button. Super Monkey ball is the ideal place to start because it only uses one stick. When your ready, step it up with games that're easy to play but tough to die in: introducing SSX 3 offers the perfect blend of gently swooshing snow, designer fashion and lack of competition.

Difficulty = Easy

Day Four....Hold her hand

Time to introduce something a touch more complex, albeit with you there to assist - after all, she's always moaning that you don't do enough things together. Done right, a co-op dash through Timesplitters 3's Haunted Mansion level can be every bit as romantic as a moonlit stroll - you hold off monsters while she pulls switches; she hacks terminals while you harpoon zombie scientists. At this stage it's crucial not to get frustrated or shouty - and it's even more essential you don't 'accidently' shoot her in the back of the head when she takes point. Remember: for the moment, this is about helping her love games, not playing the level properly.

Difficulty = Hard

At this pont it's essential you read the...

Do's and Dont's

Do:

Let her win..

Obvious, but difficult to do convincingly. Make it look real by pick a charectar you're rubbish with and try his hardest move (Necrid in Sould Caliber II say), then fieging amazement when her button mashing beats you. Convince her she's a gaming prodigy. Just don't let her challenge your mates.

Play puzzle games..

Scientists concur that girls respond well to problem solving and optimistic systems - and we all know how good scientisists are at getting girlfriends, righto chaps?Perhaps a more important factor is that puzzle games aren't judgemental. you make lines, you mess up, you start again. Gentle beginnings, that's the key.

Let her do 'fashion'..

She reads intire magazines devoted to reconstructing celebraty looks. So let her dress up CJ from San Andreas like a big fancy idiot. She might even snag you some respect.

Play The Sims

Ok, so it's off-putting to see your Sims caught in a floor-pissing shame spiral, but it's the closest you can get to a soap opera on the PC and you can make it easier. Introduce her to your custom-made OC summerhouse and let her tweak the fortunes of Seth, Ryan, Julie Cooper and Jim Robinson. Just don't show her the 'special' memory card: "Um, Sweetie, why's Summer and Marissa's relationship value so high?"

Dont's

Coming soon....

If the world has truly come to this then I have lost all faith in humanity. Though I guess most guys like "gamer chicks" but... no, I still fail to take this seriously.

Come on.. It's only something fun i made up. You don't have to take kit seriously you know.....

As I said, I'm not taking it seriously. It is pretty funny if you take it as a joke.

I'm not saying it sucks, I'm saying it's very funny but I wouldn't use it in real life. If doesn't really matter if your girlfriend likes games or not.

And aren't you like 10? That's a bit young for having girlfriends (joke).

I don't care if I have a *GAMER GIRLFRIEND* or not(when i'm older that is i'm only 11)

Well, if I had a bf, then he'd be successful in having a girlfriend who plays video games

My girlfriend often plays things with me. then we go make out.

Well that's, uh, nice Sojiro. Me and my girlfriend usually skipped the videogame playing step.

The thing is, do any of you wan't to read on? If you do I'll post the rest. If not, I'll post it somehwere it is appreciated thanks.

I want you to keep posting. It's really quite good/funny.

Soz for the Double post, but it's done. Part Three done. Anybody up for part four?? I think I'll do part four tomorrow along wif part five.

Stop lording your girlfriends over us, you bastards.

*Sword of Rage*

I don't have a girlfriends me and my 'older'(15/16 year) friends made this up. I helped them, though they abondoned it soon after I moved house. I think I finished it ok.

I nearly died of laughter when I read that. Pretty funny though.

There's one more REALLY funny bit comin up. Wanna read it?

All Eyes SR. All eyes. (not all ears as this is a forum, not skype, though Skype and TS as in Teamspeak rock)

Updated the "Do's" section. Will do the "Dont's" soon.

Thanks this a cool thread in a way

But one of my female friends loves Leisure Suit Larry to pieces.

What that is so lame! I say nobody loves it (except your girl freind)

LoL, I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at the fact that this topic was created by a ten year-old. Honestly: how many girlfriends/boyfriends did you have when you were ten? Zero. I was twelve when I had my first.

All things, this is a creative thread. Will it work? Nahh. LoL sorry.

Look how much posts he has compared to you swift , it's goin good

It's supposed to be funny. Anyway, me 15/16 year old friends from a year ago wrote most of this. i wrot the last part(day 5). And yes, MAGCARGO is right, look dead left. You'll see, a little number saying 859

Okay, you have more posts than me. I don't think that means that I have to respect you more than anybody else, does it? No, I don't think it does.

Now, I'll respect gym leaders, frontier brains, and the Elite Four much more than a normal member; they keep these forums running like a well-oiled machine. You, however, are just a normal member though! Be you a bug catcher or a pok