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Dan's adventure II
Moderators: Mektar, goldenquagsire
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Dan's adventure II
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Pokemon Trainer  Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:46 am Posts: 31 
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O.K O.K, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [
 ]. But, I'll make a better sequl!
================================================== Dan was at home looking for a channel on T.V when the news came on: We inturupt this program for news. Prof.Brich and Oak have 6 new starters all on lv. 50. They are:  ,  ,  ,  ,  and  .
Dan:"By mom! Better get the Magnimite and Beldum!" Dan got to Prof.Oak's lab. Dan""Hi Oak" Oak:"Hello Dan! Let me guess, you want Magnemite ?" Dan"Yes!" Oak:"O.K. Magnemite will like you in about 3 min. Then, a Pokeball fell on the floor and opened. Out came Magnemite. ================================================== Out of time! ================================================== I edited. ================================================== Then, Dan went to Prof.Brich.Brich:"Dan! What Pokemon do you want?" Dan:"Beldum!" Brich:"O.K!" ================================================== Back in 10-30! _________________ Kyogre is cool! Last edited by Kyogre356 on Fri May 12, 2006 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total. |
| Sat May 06, 2006 5:47 am |
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Gym Leader   Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2006 11:09 pm Posts: 3230 Location: island of giant spiders with shooting lasers
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It looks like a ripoff of the actual anime Pokemon...with that Magnemite hating Pokeballs...just like Pikachu...
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| Sat May 06, 2006 9:37 pm |
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Pokemon Trainer  Joined: Wed May 10, 2006 2:41 pm Posts: 32 Location: at computer
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sorry but i didn't really like it.
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| Sat May 13, 2006 5:27 pm |
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Pokemon Trainer Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:46 am Posts: 31
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I'm back in! I was out a long time!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- :"Magna!" the Magnemite got exited and used Thunder.
ZAP! Oak:"Oh...I forgot...It has high attack..." ------------------------- Whoops! Gotta do something. Be right back! _________________ Kyogre is cool! |
| Sun Jun 11, 2006 7:10 am |
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Bug Catcher  Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2005 2:13 am Posts: 7
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Kyogre356 wrote: O.K O.K, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [ ]. But, I'll make a better sequl!
================================================== Dan was at home looking for a channel on T.V when the news came on: We inturupt this program for news. Prof.Brich and Oak have 6 new starters all on lv. 50. They are: , , , , and .Okay, this thing is really bad. First, try not to use icons in fanfics. After all, stories are meant to be words. Kyogre356 wrote: O.K O.K, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [ ]. But, I'll make a better sequl!
================================================== Dan was at home looking for a channel on T.V when the news came on: We inturupt this program for news. Prof.Brich and Oak have 6 new starters all on lv. 50. They are: Diglett , Magnemite , Staryu , Beldum , Numel and Carvanha . Fix the spelling mistakes. Kyogre356 wrote: Okay, okay, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [ ]. But, I'll make a better sequel!
================================================== Dan was at home looking for a channel on T.V when the news came on: We interrupt this program for news. Prof.Birch and Oak have 6 new starters all on lv. 50. They are: Diglett , Magnemite , Staryu , Beldum , Numel and Carvanha . Fix the punctuation and stuff that doesn't make sense. Kyogre356 wrote: Okay, okay, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [ ]. But, I'll make a better sequel!
================================================== Dan was at home watching T.V when the news came on. "We interrupt this program to bring you some news. Prof. Birch and Oak have 6 new starters, all on lv. 50. They are: Diglett , Magnemite , Staryu , Beldum , Numel and Carvanha . Use words instead of numbers. Kyogre356 wrote: Okay, okay, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [ ]. But, I'll make a better sequel!
================================================== Dan was at home watching T.V when the news came on. "We interrupt this program to bring you some news. Prof. Birch and Oak have six new starters, all on lv. fifty. They are: Diglett , Magnemite , Staryu , Beldum , Numel and Carvanha . Drop the level system, too unrealistic. Kyogre356 wrote: Okay, okay, I admit it! Most people hated Dan's adventure [ ]. But, I'll make a better sequel!
================================================== Dan was at home watching T.V when the news came on. "We interrupt this program to bring you some news. Prof. Birch and Oak have six new starters. They are: Diglett , Magnemite , Staryu , Beldum , Numel and Carvanha . Add more description. The rest of the chapter seems to be similar trash. |
| Tue Jun 13, 2006 7:18 am |
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Pokemon Trainer  Joined: Fri Jun 09, 2006 12:11 pm Posts: 48
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The level system can be used in fic and still be realistic, but not in this way
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:32 am |
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Dragon Tamer   Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:35 am Posts: 169 Location: In the middle of a gun fight, In the center of a restaurant
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kyogre356
Quote: Then, Dan went to Prof.Brich.Brich:"Dan! What Pokemon do you want?"
Dan:"Beldum!" Brich:"O.K!" How did Dan get too Birches lab? He was at Oaks and they are quite far away from each other. If lots of people hated Dans adventure maybe you should try a different character. The professors would not be giving starters too old trainers; they would be saving them for new trainers. If all the starters were on level fifty then they wouldn _________________   |
| Thu Jun 15, 2006 11:59 am |
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Ace Trainer   Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 1:26 am Posts: 389 Location: Hiding behind a rock 'cuz you're ugly
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Wow, pretty unorganized.
First, dont say gotta go somewhere be right back in the middle of a story.........grr...................... Second, what the heck is with all the lines????????  _________________  |
| Fri Jul 14, 2006 1:16 am |
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Pokemon Ranger   Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2006 10:12 am Posts: 510 Location: Where you MOST expect it.
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It seems that Dan
_________________ AABM's  "Team Seekers" "I'm perhaps the least typical Ledian user you'll ever get to see in the whole OU" - AABM. · Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it? |
| Mon Sep 18, 2006 2:24 pm |
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