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 Pokemon Battle #3582987 Ash vs Gary (Short Script) 
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Pokemon Trainer
Pokemon Trainer

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 2:05 pm
Posts: 31
Ash: GO! Pikachu!

Pikachu: PiPikachu!

Gary: pffffft...Ash-y boy, so naive, GO! Tyranitar!

Ash: What's that?

Dexter: Tyranitar, a dark-rock pokemon. Tyranitar will pwnzzzz all pikachus! hahaharzz

Ash: ...

Ash: Pikachu! Agility!

Gary: Tyranitar, rockslide

Ash: Dodge it and aim for Gary's head!

Gary: ??

Ash: hehe....Pikachu! Volt Tackle!

Gary: gaaaah!!!

Ash: Hehe...

Dexter: Ash Ketchum is a theif

*sirens blair

Officer Jenny: Ash Ketchum, you are ordered for execution for killing Gary!

Narrator: And that concludes battle #3582987. See you next time on Ash's retarded adventure!

Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:12 pm
Pokemon Ranger
Pokemon Ranger
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Joined: Sun May 07, 2006 2:33 pm
Posts: 716
Location: USA EST
Scripts have action written in them. Look up some examples of scripts and try to format yours similarly. At the moment it just looks like random dialogue. "??" is not something people say in everyday speech. If they did, then it'd sound like "Question mark, question mark."

Do you know what "thief" means because I think you meant "murderer." Officer Jenny doesn't have the authority to order someone to death. That would be a judge, only after being arrested and tried. If Dexter is the Pokedex, then it wouldn't be aware of what Ash did.

Also, being ridiculous for the sake of being ridiculous in a story or script isn't funny.

Link changed to my library.

Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:34 pm
Ace Trainer
Ace Trainer
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Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:09 am
Posts: 328
Location: Hiding Out Until Things Cool Down...
Crimsin, you forget. In Tojo-controlled Japan, police can shoot you on the spot!

Anyways, I don't think I can say anything Crimson didn't. I wrote scripts for my machinema crew a while back and if you were to hand this to an actor/actress they'd be really dissapointed. As an actor myself I know I'd end up asking the director questions around every turn. The sad part about writing a script vs writing a story is all the detail, actions, and fun that's usually in the story HAS to be displayed as action commands, stage directions, or obvios helpful dialogue throughout the script, just like a discriptive paragraph or a helpful adjective filled line would do in a novel type book or story.

Now, I think this is your... second time? If I'm not mistaken... for posting something here. May I make a suggestion? Again, not a flame, but if your serious about writing, or at least serious about posting here... or anywhere on civil internet forums, then why don't you take a look at some of the other topics here that can help you? We got a variety with links and helpful hints that would excel any form of writer and we have a surprising number of talented writers right here. If you have a question, I'm sure anyone ehre would love to answer it for you. That's why I stay here at Psypoke. It's better to ask then to be... disheartened when you post it. Ok? BTW, welcome to Psypoke.

Sun Mar 01, 2009 8:25 am
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Gym Leader
Gym Leader
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Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 11:04 am
Posts: 1320
Location: Sky Tower
It's being hard to take you seriously.

*insert what I said on your other text here*



Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:42 pm
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