ok for the 1st part, but correct the tense. not trying to sound like Banov, but when "nascour" had his metagross gone, you wrote "
now he
had his...", you mixed present and past tense.
I like the story so far, let's say, 7.5/10, but not encouraging to repeat your previous story, you might want to add a mudkip here and there...
_________________The Meadow's EndA new revived fanfic by me
Come on and read its recent chapters! I'm motivated to continue if others are to read it~
Pokemon Diamond:
Name: Quincy
FC: 4553-8854-9459
The Rating Centre CAN'T be dead... can it??