Forum Index • FAQ • Login
Psybucks • phpBB FAQ • Psypoke Forums FAQ • Forum Rules • Psypoke Staff
~
|
It is currently Thu Apr 18, 2024 12:28 am |
|
All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ] |
Poems by Roar Of Time
Moderators: Mektar, goldenquagsire
|
Page 1 of 1 |
[ 4 posts ] |
| Print view | Previous topic | Next topic |
Poems by Roar Of Time
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
|
Pokemon Ranger   Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:25 am Posts: 691 
|
Sorry 'bout my last topic, hopefully this'll be better
OK............... Large, strong and Powerful Almost Indestructable Heavy as a stone Smaller than a dinosaur's bone Is a short little boy Who brings joy But under that little boy Is something so evil That is eviler than the Devil Comes out of the boy at night Comes to everyone's one's houses to bite and bite He eats all the children than he has a great big smile Then he walks a mile After dawn, he turned into a innocent little boy again With lots of things to gain He set off to do his homework with his ballpoint pen His small brother whose name was Ken Asked where would the monster strike next Then a journalist found out who was the monster on his bike He found him, it was a short liittle boy With a face of a monster, the boy saw him, the man step up a decoy After hours and hours, the monster gobbled him up That just shows you have to be careful of real nice people You nevr know they may have a dark side... _________________  Clickage <Derek> is anyone here ?? <AngrySparrow> No <Derek> im gonna leave because no one is here *** Derek has quit (Exit: Psypoke Forever!) |
| Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:39 pm |
|
|
|
|
Pokemon Master   Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:24 am Posts: 1152 Location: IN THE EMOTIONLESS TRAWLING FERVOR'S OF MY INSANE MIND.
|
Roar Of Time wrote: Sorry 'bout my last topic, hopefully this'll be better
OK............... Large, strong and Powerful Almost Indestructable---------------------Indestructible Heavy as a stone Smaller than a dinosaur's bone Is a short little boy Who brings joy But under that little boy Is something so evil That is eviler than the Devil-------------Eviler isn't really a word, and a better one should be found. Comes out of the boy at night Comes to everyone's one's houses to bite and bite He eats all the children than he has a great big smile-----------should be thEn, not thAn Then he walks a mile After dawn, he turned into a innocent little boy again With lots of things to gain He set off to do his homework with his ballpoint pen His small brother whose name was Ken Asked where would the monster strike next Then a journalist found out who was the monster on his bike He found him, it was a short liittle boy--------little, not liitle With a face of a monster, the boy saw him, the man step up a decoy After hours and hours, the monster gobbled him up That just shows you have to be careful of real nice people You nevr know they may have a dark side...-------never You had a lot of mistakes, I noted them in orange. Also the entire structure of the poem is wrong, it seems kind of off, no real flow. Also it seems at times that your going to do rhyming, and then you have a bunch of stanzas that don't. If your going to rhyme it than have the same rhyme pattern in every stanza. If you are not going to rhyme than try not to have few, if only a few verses rhyme, it throws the flow waaaaaay off. You have a good idea, with a bit of improvment I can see this being a really good poem. P.S. Yay! Yet another person trying poetry  ._________________   ^DarkCosmos, Poems^ |
| Thu Nov 22, 2007 1:09 pm |
|
|
|
|
Pokemon Ranger Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:25 am Posts: 691
|
dunsparce wrote: Roar Of Time wrote: Sorry 'bout my last topic, hopefully this'll be better
OK............... Large, strong and Powerful Almost Indestructable---------------------Indestructible Heavy as a stone Smaller than a dinosaur's bone Is a short little boy Who brings joy But under that little boy Is something so evil That is eviler than the Devil-------------Eviler isn't really a word, and a better one should be found. Comes out of the boy at night Comes to everyone's one's houses to bite and bite He eats all the children than he has a great big smile-----------should be thEn, not thAn Then he walks a mile After dawn, he turned into a innocent little boy again With lots of things to gain He set off to do his homework with his ballpoint pen His small brother whose name was Ken Asked where would the monster strike next Then a journalist found out who was the monster on his bike He found him, it was a short liittle boy--------little, not liitle With a face of a monster, the boy saw him, the man step up a decoy After hours and hours, the monster gobbled him up That just shows you have to be careful of real nice people You nevr know they may have a dark side...-------never You had a lot of mistakes, I noted them in orange. Also the entire structure of the poem is wrong, it seems kind of off, no real flow. Also it seems at times that your going to do rhyming, and then you have a bunch of stanzas that don't. If your going to rhyme it than have the same rhyme pattern in every stanza. If you are not going to rhyme than try not to have few, if only a few verses rhyme, it throws the flow waaaaaay off. You have a good idea, with a bit of improvment I can see this being a really good poem. P.S. Yay! Yet another person trying poetry .Thx. I made a lot of mistakes coz this is from Y6 and I was really dumb then, and it just copyed it straight off  _________________ Clickage <Derek> is anyone here ?? <AngrySparrow> No <Derek> im gonna leave because no one is here *** Derek has quit (Exit: Psypoke Forever!) |
| Thu Nov 22, 2007 1:25 pm |
|
|
|
|
Pokemon Ranger Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 5:25 am Posts: 691
|
Another Poem...
Why, Oh why Must the sun set The day is ending It will be dark soon Darkness over light The end of a beautiful day The animals chattering, the birds singing People socialising People talking Children with peppiness But darkness can be full of wonders too… The crickets crying The owls hooting Dawn to Dusk It is a strange thing Which we must all endure _________________ Clickage <Derek> is anyone here ?? <AngrySparrow> No <Derek> im gonna leave because no one is here *** Derek has quit (Exit: Psypoke Forever!) |
| Sun Nov 25, 2007 8:48 am |
|
|
|
|
|
Page 1 of 1 |
[ 4 posts ] |
|
All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ] |
Who is online |
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 61 guests |
| You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot post attachments in this forum |