"GET OUT!" He boomed. His blak cape swirled with as much rage as the echoing voice he had conjured from within. The Pokemon flanking him roared along with the gust that swirled over the stadium and picked up the boy and his Raichu. They were sent hurtling backward out of the Gym.
"He thought he could take down my flying Pokemon with an electric rat..." The Leader cooed. He stroked his Swellow under the beak and smiled.
"My Pokemon are not just flying Pokemon. I am so much better than Falkner. My Pokemon are Weather Pokemon. They can manipulate the very weather in battle," He explained to Nurse Joy who was standing at his side, having overseen the previous match.
"Don't you think you should tone down your training though?" She suggested.
"I'm not stopping now," He laughed.
"You're strong enough to be in the Elite Four," Joy pleaded.
"Yes... but the Elite Four are commercialized jargen, as a Gym Leader I answer to nobody,"
"Not today!" Officer Jenny snapped. She was strolling swiftly across the gym floor with a Houndour at her side and a Growlithe puppy on her shoulder.
"Jennifer," The Gym Leader snarled.
"By order of the Pokemon League," She said handing him a notice.
"You're taking my Gym?" He spluttered.
"Not necessarily..." Joy smiled, standing next to Jenny.
"You're the strongest pokemon trainer around for miles, everybody agrees," Jenny complimented.
"So we need your help," Joy added...

"Let me get this straight," The Gym Leader asked after a very long conversation, "If I work for the Ranger CORPS for six months then you'll let me keep my Gym?"
"You can keep your Gym regardless of how many or how few badges you give out," Jenny assured him.
"Even if I'm so storng I never give out another Gym Badge?" He queried.
"Even if you never give out another Gym badge," Joy smiled.
"Your first assignment is on the island of Ismust, the ranger station there will tell you what to do. Here's your ID card," Jenny said officially, handing him his new ranger ID. Behind him, Tropius gave a delighted roar.
"Easy there big guy, I never said I'd do it,"
"You don't have a choice," Jenny and Joy smiled in unison. The Gym Leader whispered somethign under his breath.
"What did you say?" Jenny rapped, lifitng her blouse enough to show her gun.
"I said this shirt itches," He repeated in a drawling voice. In another moment he was hoisting himself onto Tropius's back.
"Watch my Gym, I'll be back in six months," He called as Tropius started to gallop to the front doors. The Gym Leader's black cape flicked out of sight and soon the Pokemon was soarig through the sky with its master on its back. Jenny gave Joy a high five.
"Lunch?" Joy offered, taking a picnic basket from under the table.
"Good call," Jenny cheered.

On Ismust Island there was no talk of lunch. The volcano was rumbling and pokemon were running everywhere. Rangers were ducking in and out of trees and caverns. One young girl with bubblegum green hair was running out of the trees and onto the beach. She stopped in the sand and turned around. There was nothing but the forest before her. She breathed a sigh and wiped her brow.
"Thank goodness I lost him," She sighed. Too soon, unfortunately, for a massive Rydon came crashing out of the trees in another moment.
"EEEEK!" She squealed. Rydon slowly approached, bearing his fist and snarling, scratching his hind with his other hand.
"I'm Torka, what's your name?" The girl trembled. Rydon fell on all fours over her, his massive mouth just inches from her much smaller head.
"We've got to get off the island," She whimpered to Rydon. The pokemon, clearly, didn't want to listen. As Torka screamed and closed her eyes the Rydon flew into the sky. Torka scurried away, unsure of what had happened. Rydon landed with a thud and another Pokemon crash tackled down on top of it.
"Tropius!" Came a cry. Torka watched as a man with a black cape battled Rydon with his Tropius. Torka took our her capture stylus.
"Go!" She cried, swirling her device through the air. She jumped skyward and a group of three Goldeen leapt out of the ocean into the air behind her.
"Bubblebeam!" She cried. The Goldeen fired their attacks and they slammed into Rydon who was already copping a beating from Tropius. Rydon collapsed and Torka ran up to check him over.
"You must by Psyches," Torka called ot the man, "I'm Torka,"
"It's Master Psyches thankyou," The GYm Leader corrected.
"We've got to get as much of the pokemon onto the boats as we can and then get out of here too, the volcano's going to explode any second," Torka informed him.
"Great," Psyches sighed. He recalled Tropius and threw two more pokeballs, these were coloured black and white.
"Gardevoir, use your psywave to bring the pokemon to the beach, Swellow, carry Gardevoir through the air so her psywave reaches all the pokemon in the forest, do it quickly, we haven't got time," Psyches said.
"What about when they get to the beach?' Torka asked. Psyches threw another black and white pokeball and a Lapras bobbed up and down in the water.
"Lapras call as many of the water pokemon as you can" Psyches said. Lapras started to wail and, sure enough, more Lapras emerged from the ocean. Blastoise appeared too, along with a few Wartortle and a lot of Seaking and Goldeen.
"Ask them to carry the pokemon to the boats," Psyches yawned. Lapras did so and while a few of the pokemon left looking frustrated, most of them stayed.
Use yoru stylus to capture the ones that are leaving," Psyches told Torka. She leapt up.
"Oh yeah," She yipped and soon there were enough pokemon to carry the evacuees to the boats.
"Once they get to the beach Gardevoir can put them all to sleep while they're taken to the boats," Psyches told Torka. Just then came a massive explosion.
"Damn!' Psyches spat. He threw his last two pokebals and out came Castform and-
"Oh my freakin Evita- that's an Articuno!" Torka screamed.
"Keep it quiet, we don't want to start a panic!' Psyches yelled at her, "Castform and Articuno, stop that eruption!" Psyches ordered. Castform began to transform as Articuno carried the little dew-drop up to the summit. The ice pokemon worked quickly and soon the volcano was sealed over with snow.
"Gardevoir!' Came a cry. Swellow was carrying Gardervoir back followed by the hypnotized forest pokemon. Lapras led the water pokemon to carry them to the masisve boats and soon Torka and Psyches were standing at the front of a boat waiting for the captain.
"You were amazing," Torka complimented.
"I know," Psyches yawned.
"So you think you're something special huh?" The Captain shrugged.
"Well wait til you see where I'm sending you for your next mission..."

*Yawn*

You lost my attention at "If I work for the ranger CORPS..."

He is such a gary-sue. He beats everybody who he fights. The fact that he is perfect is not just dangerous because it is unrealistic, but because he will beat any opponent effortlessly. Thus, no serious conflict will ever arise.

I just stopped reading at the line I mentioned.

I have to agree with Thunder_dude7. The story so far seems to be just another generic over the top exaggerated adventure of a mary-sue with a superiority complex and a legendary Pokemon.

Look beyond what you read. Torka is young and not too bright and Psyches is cocky and has a very good collection of Pokemon. Both are at different ends of their Pokemon adventure and they've been thrust together. Torka chose to be a ranger, Psyches is being forced to do it. It's about the relationships and the situation circumstance.

------------------------------------------

Torka paced up and down the helicopter. Her bubblegum green hair was in two large ponytails that twisted and turned in all directions. She had her pokeballs clipped to the inside of her red vest and her capture stylus was hanging on her belt. Psyches was sitting down with his black cape drawn around him. Castform was floating in the air just above his knees. The Pokemon seemed to be in deep concentration. Psyches realized that Torka was staring at Castform and stole her gaze.
"Castform is controlling the weather. We've got perfect flying conditions thanks to its efforts," Psyches explained. Torka smiled at Castform.
"Hey Castform,"She said in a singsong voice, stepping closer.
"Don't distract my Pokemon," Psyches snapped."orka jumped back.
"Okay, geez," She turned and looked out the window to the islands they were flying over.
"There it is," Torka said, pointing to a large mountain poking out from the water.
"That's Magma Cove?" Psyches queried. Torka nodded as Psyches stood up to look out the window, Castform now following him along at his shoulder.
"We have to get down inside the caverns to the exact same level below sea water as the mountain sits above sea water and activate this beacon," Torka explained, ''The beacon will give Ranger CORPS a detailed map of the anomaly,"
"Sounds just wonderful," Psyches drawled. Torka shot him a glare.
"You know there are some people who actually enjoy this kind of thing," Torka fumed.
"Yes, well, some of us aren't mentally derranged," He shot back with a cruel smile.
"You're nothing but a-"

Exactly what Psyches was he never found out, for at that moment the side door opened and the wind rushed in rather unexpectedly. Torka and Psyches gripped the railings for support as the helicopter lowered them down to Magma Cove. Torka clipped the beacon to her belt and Psyches took a pokeball from his. Swellow spread his wings out to cover the open door in the helicopter and the wind died down a little. Castform returned to its pokeball and Psyches clung to Swellow's back.'
''Are you coming?" He asked Torka, holding out his hand. She took it and in another second the two were spinning through the air, hurtling down to the rocky mass jutting out of the water. They landed and Swellow returned to his pokeball.
''Let's go," Torka scathed, walking toward the highest point of the mountain.

There were no trees or sand, it was just one huge rock sticking out of the water.
''I thought you said there were supposed to be caverns?'' Psyches complained. Torka turned to glare at him.
''Well that's what I was told,'' She replied with distaste. Psyches rolled his eyes.
''Fortunately I took the liberty of changing my Pokemon back at headquarters. I think this should do the trick," He announced, taking out another black and white pokebal. He threw the ball and it bounced off te rock and landed back in his hand after splitting open and releasing a Lairon.
''Lairon, we need to get nto the caverns inside the mountain,'' Psyches told the pokemon. Lairon nodded sowly and lumbered along the mountain for awhile sniffing at the ground until the pokemon finally scratched at a particularly grey looking piece of stone and then proceeded to smash its head against it.
''Oh my goodness!'' Torka screamed.
''Relax, it's how they dig,'' Psyches advised. Torka glared at him nonetheless and took one of her pokeballs from inside her red vest.
"Chansey, heal Lairon,'' She ordered. As Lairon continued to dig into the rock Chansey was constantly rubbing its back eminating an eerie pink glow.
''Lairon woud've been fine,'' Psyches told Torka with a snappy voice.
''Can you for once just-''
''Baltoy!''

Psyches and Torka were thrown to the side as a Baltoy came soaring right past, followed quickly by another. Lairon and Chansey were knocked clean over and both struggled to get back on their feet.
''Larion, take down!'' Psyches called.
''Chansey, Doubleslap!'' Torka followed. Lairon leapt into the first Baltoy as Chansey came running past and started to slap the other one so fast it was spinning like a top.
''Slash attack!'' Psyches cried and Lairon beat the Baltoy with its claws until it was whimpering away.
''CHansey, mega punch!'' Torka called and CHansey sent the spinning Baltoy spiralling away. "
''Where did they come from?'' Psyches queried, scratching Lairon on the neck.
''Who cares, they're back!'' Torka screamed. Psyches leapt to his feet again as the Baltoy came hurrying toward them. The two pokemon zoomed right past and Torka and Psyches spun to see the Baltoy flanking a Claydol that had appeared from soemwhere behind them.
"Lairon, Hyper Beam!'' Psyches screamed, pointing at the Claydol. Lairon leapt into the air and roared.
''Chansey, helping hand,'' Torka screamed alongside. CHansey sent a bubble of light to surround Lairon and Lairon let erip with an almighty Hyper Beam. Psyches grabbed Torka and they knelt on the ground as the beam surged by them.
''Is it working?" Torka cried. Psyches looked up to see Claydol spinning on the spit.
''Oh you've got to be joking...'' Psyches sighed. He and Torka leapt away as the hyper beam came back. The beam ripped a hole in the side of Magma Cove and Psyches could see the caverns leading in all directions deep inside. Claydol was still spinning but there were purple flashes of light coming from the pokemon now. Psyches recognized the attack and looked over to see where Lairon and CHansey were. He grabbed Torka and they ran along the mountain, explosions all around them.
''Claydol!'' The beast groaned. Psyches grabbed Lairon and pulled Torka behind it. He snatched Chansey's pokeball from Torka and recalled the pokemon from harm's way. Lairon groaned a little as the trainers hid behind its bulky body but stayed steadfast.
''On the count of three we run for the caverns,'' Psyches told Torka.
''One... two...''
''Claydol!''

Claydol was right above them.

This sounds a lot like a play or a script to me, there's a lot of dialogue and deals with an underlying relationship and motives. I like this a lot. :] Good job here Psyches. ;D

Thanks poplers, I've got a few little adventures planned for Psyches and Torka while they're paired up in the Ranger CORPS. It'll be fun.

This last chapter was so-so.

The characters may have flaws, but they aren't very original. We've seen overpowered egomaniacs many times before. To make this worse, these overpowered egomaniacs always have that other person who respects them, but dislikes them as well.

As for the writing, I saw many careless gramatical errors.

The writing itself left something to be desired. While action scenes are meant to be rushed, yours felt like it flew by me in a second.

Geez there's no pleasing you is there.

I often make mistakes from typing too quickly, I don't care.

I use different styled grammar because I am an actual writer, not a fan fic writer. The grammar on fan fic ites is different. My grammar is also different because I'm Australian. I don't care.

The fact that he characters are cliche is what appeals t me. I always write original stuff, I want to do something traditional. I don't care.

...Grammar isn't any different in fanfic and riginal works. Good grammar is important, no matter what you're writing.



So, basically, you wrote it in your 1st language and used a translator? That's not much of an excuse for bad grammer, but fine. If you have taken English classes or something and are now just writing in English, then it is not ok to use Austrailian grammer rules on English writing. It doesn't work.



Traditional stuff, eh? I would likely put this back if it were a book, but fine.

Thunder, people from Australia speak English...There are differences between English speaking countries as far as proper grammar. The same is true of Spanish and some other languages I'm sure. For the most part they are the same though.

Some things with grammar can be over looked because of a style the writer has; this isn't really encouraged here because the writers are so young and usually don't have a very good handle on grammar to begin with. A strong handle on grammar is needed before you can get away with say it's my style.


But it's not a book, he's not writing it as if it were a book either. Look at works more as stories and not a book.

You really need to stop trying to sound cool. It isn't working

Thunder we can all see that you don't like this story. Why do you keep posting on here anyways? According to you it sucks, doesn't it?
You claim to see all these terrible mistakes, would you kindly point them out instead of degrading the story? Yes, its not a masterpiece but none of us are published authors so cut the pompous attitude and either offer some pointers or keep your otherwise rude comments to yourself.

As for the actual story it's alright. Not anything spectacular but a good story with all around good grammer, something that is rare to find these days. The actual pace was kinda fast too, mabey you could describe the environment more or give us more insight into the characters thoughts?

Also, as a technical point is Castorm even able to control weather? I thought it just kinda adapted to the different weather. Anywho, my memory on Castform is a bit vague but I thought for sure Swellow wasn't able to carry two people. The size of the Pokemon(Swellow) suggests that it could probably barely carry one person.