It is currently Thu Nov 27, 2014 4:43 am



Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 
 THE True Pokemon Journey PG. Minor Violence 
Author Message
I got -10200 in Jeopardy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:31 pm
Posts: 714
Location: Obsessing over my paper cranes (props to whoever gets this reference, no one will)
I know many people have written Pokemon Journeys on here but I hope mine will be set apart from the rest.

Prologue
This story is about a young boy named Epsil. Epsil lives in an empty house in Twinleaf Town, Sinnoh. He lives alone in his home. His lonely life started when his father was killed in the Fuego Ironworks Accident. His mother was taken by Team Rocket. The last Epsil has ever heard of his brother, Alph was before Alph entered the Pokemon League to take on the Elite 4. That was three years ago. Epsil was only eight then. Now eleven, Epsil has faced a sad, lonely life. Epsil was bullied for several years because of his inability to get a pokemon. Professor Rowan had tried to give Epsil several pokemon but has failed as the pokemon has strayed away. After many attempts to get a pokemon through his lonely life, Epsil now tries for the ninth time.

Chapter 1 - The Meeting of Epsil
Epsil runs through the night towards the Pokemon Lab. The cold wind blows through the bushes and trees. The leaves rustle around him as he steadily slows to a jog. He looks up and see a flock of Pidgey and Wingull sailing through the air towards the harbour. Epsil walks past a few homes and reaches the town square. He sees the fountain. He looks up again. The moon was shining brightly tonight and leading Epsil's way. He looks to his watch. 11:55pm. Epsil watched the water trickle down the fountain. Watching for a few moments he spots a small card on the other side of the fountain. Careful to tiptoe around it, Epsil picks up the card. He examines it and finds it to be a trainer card. He turns it to see a name, but can't. 'Its too dark and scratched to see the name' Epsil thinks to himself. He quickly pushes the card into his pocket and continues on. A few leaves flutter through the air as Epsil walks past the Pokemon Center. He sees the Pokemon Lab up ahead. He approaches the small, glossy doors and finds them open a crack. Epsil backs away and looks into one of the windows. He sees Professor Rowan, sitting in shadows along with an elegant glass, box. Epsil walks back to the door and opens it. He walks in as Professor Rowan hands Epsil a Pokéball. 'Gee, Rowan sure has changed.' Epsil thinks to himself. He grabs the Pokéball out Rowan's hand and slowly walks out of the building. Rowan walks away and into another room.

Epsil slowly walks past homes and building's and reaches the fountain. Two figures sit on the edge of the fountain. The water pauses for a few moments and starts again. Epsil moves around the town square and back to his home. He see the slightly rotted wood of his door. The cracked plaster hanging off the walls. The dead pot plants hanging above the door. Epsil was ignored and nicknamed Ghost because of this house looking haunted. He walked in and slyly walked up the broken stairs. This wasn't Epsil's actual house. His real house was taken by Team Rocket. Since then he lived in this run down, cobwebbed house. Only two rooms of the house were actually liveable. Epsil's room and the basement. The basement, Epsil hoped would one day be a training room. Until then he mostly hung around his room or the town square, where battle sometimes occur. Epsil stopped dead in his tracks as he heard footsteps walk up the ladder from the basement. He quickly raced up the stairs and into his room, locking the door behind him. He slouched in his chair, looking to the posters on his wall. Epsil was scared that someone might be here for him. Epsil stood as he heard more footsteps move up the stairs. His mind raced with different thoughts. 'I wonder what the pokemon will be.' 'Why is there a person in my house.' 'I need to get rid of them.' These three thoughts zoomed around his brain. Focused on one, then the next. The doorknob justled as someone moved it. The shadows of feet pushed through the light of the room. Epsil looked down at the pokéball, and moved his fingers around the button. The person outside the door moved away and Epsil once again slouched in the chair. He sat down his small Beanbag bed. He got comfortable and ready for a pokemon to move away from him yet again. He turned the ball in his hands and though back to all the pokemon he before.

A torchic, totodile, turtwig, cyndaquil, Piplup, Mudkip, chimchar and a treecko. All had run from him, all were scared of him. Epsil pushed the button and threw the Pokéball. A small orange figure ran out of it and towards the door. It reached the door jumping for the knob. It just wasn't tall enough. The orange pokemon turned to him. Epsil examined the pokemon. A small orange pokemon with a long tail and a flaring flame at the end of it. The pokemon slowly and carefully moved towards Epsil. It's foot touched the edge of the beanbag and it stuck out its hand.

Chapter 2 - Rowan's Demise
Rowan talked Into a small phone as he paced in the shadows of his lab."Yes, sir. He has started on Plan Journey. I believe this pokemon will not fear him and after your glorious plan continues we will be able to get what we need from the basement. That moron doesn't even know the most important thing on the planet is in his basement sitting there."
"So he has left for the first gym." The mysterious crackly voice wheezed through the phone.
"Not just yet, but soon, soon." The words echoed through the room. Rowan placed the phone down. He continued to pace for a few minutes and then went to the small bookshelf next to the door. He pulled a few books out and opened a small compartment. A file sat there with dust on it. After three years of sitting there it can now be opened again. Rowan pulled the file out and opened it reading its documents once again. The plan had started and Rowan would do anything to make sure it pulled through.

Chapter 3 - The Country and the City
Epsil watched as the hand wavered. Epsil mirrored the action with his own hand and they shook. The Pokemon climbed Epsil's back and onto his shoulder. The Pokemon blew some steam. Epsil stood and opened the door. They walked out together and down the creaky stairs. The Pokemon hopped off and ran to the ladder. Epsil walked over and laughed as the Pokemon jumped down the stairs in excitement. Epsil walked down the ladder and into the basement. He passed some of the hay stacks and walked onto the wooden flooring. He passed the small black orb his father had given him and the Wooden box his mother had given him. 'Don't open until you beat the 8th gym.' He promised her he wouldn't and he stuck to that promise. The pokemon ran ahead and towards a small altar holding a book. Epsil out stretched his and grabbed the book. He blew the dust away and read the title aloud. "Alph's Pokedex." Epsil opened it and skimmed through it until he found the page with the Orange Pokemon. He found the page and stuck his finger on it. "So you're a Charmander?" Epsil asked the Pokemon. "Char... Charmander!" The pokemon cried. "It says here you should know; Tailwhip, Ember, Tackle and Defense Curl." Epsil read. "Charmander use ember on that haystack!" Epsil commanded the Pokemon. Charmander stuck his tail out in front of him and blew the flame on his tail towards the hay stack, burning it. "Char..." Charmander cried, triumphantly. Epsil picked up Charmander and placed him on his shoulder. He ran towards the ladder and up the stairs to his room. The Charmander jumped down and onto the beanbag chair. Epsil laughed and sat onto the small wooden chair he had sat on before. He started to close his eyes. He stood straight back up again remembering the card. He slipped it out and turned it over so he could see the name. "It's Alph's!" Epsil yelled. He fell back in shock and closed his eyes.

As Charmander opened its eyes light glittered in from the broken window. Charmander laid there taking in its surroundings and eventually got up. It noticed Epsil still sleeping, the broken wallpaper, cracked off the walls, the fluttering dust flying down from the roof. It walked over to Epsil and nudged him. Epsil moaned a bit and gave a small yawn. He opened his eyes and saw Charamander looking at him. Epsil, surprised, moved back. The Charmander moved forward again. Epsil pushed himself up and grabbed Charmander. He placed the pokemon on his shoulder and started to get ready for the day. He grabbed his wallet containing 800 pokedollars. He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door with Charmander on his shoulder. He walked down the cracked stairs once again and out through the door. The rotted stone pathway crunched under his feet. He walked past a few people and saw his teacher at the fountain. He turned left and walked past the Pokemon Center towards the Pokemart. He saw the shiny blue doors of the Shop. As he outstretched his hand, someone grabbed Charmander off of Epsil's shoulder.

Epsil turned. "Hey... What are you doing?" Epsil looked up to see one of the bullies staring down at him. "How did you get this? Must be stolen!" The bully yelled so everyone could hear. Epsil watched as the bully, named Tyson, threw Charmander to someone behind him. A different bully caught it and before Epsil could run and catch him the bully had already thrown him back. "Char... Charman!" Charmander cried. Epsil stopped, stricken with an idea. "Charmander use Ember!" Epsil cried. The Charmander turned its tail around and blew the fire towards the bullies. The bullies ran, slightly charred. Epsil picked up Charmander and opened the door to the Pokemart. He walked in and went straight to the storage and heal counter. "Hello, how can I help you?" The woman behind the counter asked. "I'd like a small bag, as well as 2 potions." Epsil said, shyly. "That'll be 500 pokedollars." The woman said. Epsil handed the 500 to the woman and went to the Pokéball counter. Epsil bought 3 pokéballs and left the building. As he walked out be saw they bullies troubling a different kid in front of the fountain. He turned his back and walked towards the entrance to Route 1.

Epsil watched as the grass wafted in the wind. Epsil took his first step out of Twinleaf Town and onto Route 1. "Char..." Charmander cried. He pointed to a starly, chasing a small caterpie around a tree. A few tailow fly over the forest ahead. Epsil watches as a bidoof carries a block of wood to the river to the left. "It's... Beautiful." Epsil mutters. Epsil takes a few more steps and into the tall grass. Charmander hops off and continues along towards a starly. The starly turns to him and pecks the Charmander. Epsil watches as Charmander begins his own battle. Charmander tackles the starly towards a tree. The starly falls weakly and slowly gets up. Before it can attack, Epsil throws one of the three pokéballs at it. It shakes slowly. Charmander backs up and goes to Epsil's side. The pokéball shakes again. Once more. The pokéball stops shaking and flies back to Epsil. "Yes, my first caught pokemon!" Epsil yells with glee. "Hah! You think a starly is a strong pokemon?" A voice behind Epsil called. Epsil turned to see a blonde haired girl taunting him with a Murkrow by his side. "It's probably stronger than your pokemon!" Epsil called back with false confidence. "Want to find out?" She called as she sent out another one of her pokemon. A Houndour burst out. "Go, Starly!" Epsil yelled. He threw the pokéball and out came the bird pokemon. "Starly, use quick attack!" Epsil cried as Houndour started to run at the bird. Starly flew up into the air dodging the Houndours attack and swooped down attacking it. The Houndour fell to the ground, fainted. "You may have bested one, but have fun beating another. Murkrow!" The girl yelled. Murkrow flew ahead of its owner and towards Charmander. "Charmander! Tackle!" Epsil yelled as the Murkrow got closer. The Murkrow dodged Charmander's attack and instead tackled him from behind. Charmander fell to the ground, tired. He weakly pushed himself up and blew fire at the Murkrow. The Murkrow fell, fainted. "Not so weak, are they, huh?" Epsil called with a laugh. The girl stormed off angrily. Epsil followed her into Twinleaf Town.
"Hey what's your name?" Epsil asked.
"I'm not talking to you!" She said with anguish.
"Well, you just did so, what's your name?" He asked her again.
"Fine! You really want to know! It's Delta and next time. I'm going beat you." She said as she walked away.
"Char... Charmander!" Charmander cried as they walked into the Pokemon center. Epsil walked up to Nurse Joy and healed his pokemon. He left the elegant building and walked back into Route 201.

Chapter 4 - The Night Sweeps Over
"Wow! It sure does change through the night." Epsil said as he walked back into Route 201. He watched as Kriketot and Nincada run through the tall grass. A few rattata scamper thought the trees around him. Dustox and gastly fly over him. He walks around looking at all the pokemon. "Char... Charmander!" Charmander cries as a Misdreavus floats ahead of them. Epsil keeps moving forward and sees the EverGrande Forest ahead. He pulls his bag off and sees a small case as well as a box. Epsil and Charmander sit down, halfway through route 201. Epsil pulls out the case and box. He opens the case and sees a few small biscuits. He pulls one out and sniffs. Charmander sticks his hand out and grabs one out of the case. Epsil picks the case up and reads the writing on the side of it. "Poffin Case." He reads aloud. Charmander munches down on one of the poffins and grabs another. Epsil closes the case and pulls out the box. He opens it to reveal a small map of the Sinnoh Region. He pointed to the EverGrande Forest and then to the city next to it; Jubilife City. They get up as Charmander finishes his poffin. They walk further and see a Haunter carry a Wurmple through the forest. A sign ends the path through Route 201 and shows the entrance to EverGrande Forest. They enter and see a few Buneary jump through some bushels. Some more Haunters hover through the vegetation. Epsil walks through the forest, while char hides behind him, shivering. "Hey, Charmander. It's alright. None of the, are going to hurt you." Epsil says in reassurance. They walk for a few minutes and see a tall building protrude out of the trees. "That must be Jubilife!" Epsil tells Charmander.

They walk for another hour and are almost to the exit. "Char..." Charmander cries as he points to a small cave leading into the ground. Epsil walks over to it losing focus on the city. "Charmander, blow some fire into the cave?" Epsil says as he waves his hand into the cave. Charmander's fire lights the cave for a few seconds and then dissipates. Epsil takes a few steps in and gets a bit of light from the flame on Charmander's tail. They walk a bit further into the cave. They see a geodude camouflage into the side of the tunnel. A sandslash crawls over the top of the tunnel. A fork appears through the darkness and Epsil stops. "Which way should we go?" Epsil asks Charmander. Epsil looks into the left side then into the right side. He looks at the walls of the tunnels and sees symbols on the walls. "They look like letters." Epsil mutters to himself. He tries to read a few of them but misses a few through the grime and caked mud.

The passage he reads:
{unown t} {unown h} {unown e} {unown r} {unown i} {unown g} {unown h} {unown t} {unown s} {unown s} {unown k} {unown e} {unown y}

"I have no idea what it says." Epsil says with confusion. "Let's head left?" The Duo head down the left path and into the darkness. The shadows engulf them apart from the small flame of Charmander. A few diglett pass them as they continue down the path. A small blue light drones in ahead. "What's that?" Epsil asks. "Char... Charmander!" Charmander cried as a large figure runs through the light towards them. "A Steelix!" Epsil yells as the gargantuan pokemon rushes at them. "Charmander use ember!" Epsil yells as the pokemon barrels towards them. The flame on Charmander's tail flares and burns the Steelix harshly. The Steelix keeps barreling at them and gets even closer. "Charmander, again!" Epsil tries to yell over the noise of the Steelix hitting the roof and walls of the tunnel. The Charmander once again burns the Steelix. The Steelix stops and falls weakly. It shakes slightly and stops. Epsil and Charmander slowly walk over the Steelix with caution. Epsil reaches over his shoulder pulls a poffin out of the case. He breaks it in half and gives one half to his pokemon. He pulls a pokéball out of the bag as well and sends out Starly. "Here you go, Starly. I'll start to train you soon." Epsil said as he continued to walk through the dark tunnel. Starly flew above him and Charmander sat on his shoulder. The blue light got brighter as he walked. He came to a corner with the blue light at its brightest. Epsil peered around and saw about 8 televisions blinking on and off with static. He walked out from the corner and saw a keyboard sitting in front of the televisions. Epsil slowly walked up to it and pressed a key on it. The television in the top left switched off completely. He pressed another and it turned back on. Charmander jumped off and pressed three different buttons and the middle television came up with some footage. He saw a woman sitting in a cage bonded to the bars. A pokemon, also tied up sat next to her. He looked as she shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. Epsil watched as a guy came up to her in a small red suit. The man kicked the pokemon and threatened her with a knife. Epsil stared at the woman. "Mum! I'm coming to save you!" Epsil cried as the man on the screen cut her arm. Epsil ran out of the cave with Charmander and Starly trailing. He ran past the pokemon and into stone path leading out of EverGrande Forest. He ran out and into Jubilife, the biggest city in Sinnoh

_________________
Thanks to Dare234 for the Awesome Banner.
Image
{charmander} and {squirtle} and {sneasel} and {buizel} and {honchkrow} and {geodude} rock. (Get it?)
PLANNING ON GETTING 1000 POSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 1ST. HELP ME BY MAKING NEW THREADS THAT I CAN SPAM IN


So, this forum just got a revamp, its now interesting, we have a few members, we have some games, we're about to open a Forum Shopping Center to buy Pokemon and Items... (If we get store clerks). We have a WEREWOLF game, and I know how much Psypoke likes Werewolf, so If you're itching to play a shorter game than usual, sign up.


Last edited by James86134 on Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:17 am, edited 2 times in total.



Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:01 am
Profile
I got -10200 in Jeopardy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:31 pm
Posts: 714
Location: Obsessing over my paper cranes (props to whoever gets this reference, no one will)
Chapter 5 - The Dark Fortress
Deep under the water of Victory Road a Large, black Fortress sat there bolted to the Sea floor. "Would you like a drink, Sir." A team rocket grunt asked his master. The Dark Master, Leader of Team Rocket, humbly sat in the shadows. "No, grunt. I have one request though." The Dark Master said with his, low scratchy voice. "Wh... What is it, sir?" The grunt asked. "Get, Roark to open his gym." The Master replied. The grunt rushed away and into the hallway. The master watched as the child he has been monitering walked through Jubilife with a face of amazement. "Soon the child will get to Oreburgh and he will take his first step into helping us call back The Ancients." Another grunt walked in through the arched door. "Master, Roark has opened his doors to the trainer." The grunt said before leaving. The Master stood up and walked over to the television. He picked up the phone and dialled a few numbers in. "Rowan, I need you to deliver a pokemon to the child so he succeeds in beating Roark." After a few seconds the Master put the phone down and walked back over to his seat. "Soon." The Master said.

Chapter 6 - Jubilife Alive
There was so much for Epsil to see as he entered the City. Still spooked about seeing his mother attacked he ran straight past many of the Skyscrapers and straight to the Pokemon Center. He walked in with Starly and Charmander following him. Nurse Joy healed them as he looked at some of the posters on the wall. There was one in particular he had his eye on. "A pokemon tournament? Looks like a good place to train! It's in Floroama Town too!" Epsil said to himself. Nurse Joy came over to him and returned his Pokemon. He left Charmander out of its pokéball and returned Starly to its. He walked out and went to the nearest building; the Trainer School. He walked in and saw Delta sitting at a desk with her face against a book. Epsil walked over to her and heard her snoring. He walked past her and towards the blackboard. He started to read from it and take note of what he read. "Char..."Charmander cooed as he saw a few battle in the next room. Epsil walked over to it and peeked through, seeing a Bidoof and an Abra battling. He enters the room with Charmander as the abra falls, fainted. The two trainers look at me, and toss there pokéballs up into the air, catching them. "Wanna battle?" The left one says as he sends out a ralts. "Sure... Good way to train. Huh, guys?" Epsil says with a terrible poker face. They look at each other and grin. "Want to make it interesting?" The right one says.
"Interesting, how?" Epsil asks.
"Well, it's simple. If I win, you give me your pokemon. If you win, I'll give you mine." He says with confidence,
Charmander jumps down from Epsil's shoulder and growls, menacingly. A Riolu moves forwards, ready to battle. "Charmander, tail whip!" Epsil orders the pokemon. Charmander waves its tail cutely. "You want to play it that game? Riolu, use Low Kick!" The Riolu runs at Charmander and sweeps its leg underneath him. Charmander falls to the ground. "Charmander, ember!" Epsil commands. The Charmander viciously breaths fire at the Riolu. The Riolu runs at Charmander again, sweeping him. Charmander falls, his arms sprawled out. "Well, well, well. Looks like I get the Charmander! Don't I?" The boy taunts. "Not so fast..." Epsil calls as he throws Starly's pokéball. "Starly, Quick Attack!" The Starly flies speedily at the Riolu, knocking him against the wall. The Riolu slowly falls to the ground, fainted. "Well, well, well. Looks like I get the Riolu. don't I?" Epsil taunts as he takes the pokéball out of the boys hand. Epsil returns the Riolu and walks out of the building, to heal his pokemon.

As Epsil leaves the Pokemon Center once again, he sees a small red building in the middle of the city. He approaches it and reads the sign above. "Pokemon Theater?" Epsil says as he opens the door. He watches as an Eevee and a Jolteon dance on the stage. He closes the door and walks away. "Charmander!" Charmander cries next to him. Epsil looks up to see a large television stuck to the top of a building showing scenic photos from other regions. "I don't really think we have much else to do here." He tells Charmander. Epsil starts to leave the city but a familiar voice calls over to him. "Hey! I said I was going to beat you next time. Well nows the time." He turns to see Delta running towards him. "God... This again!" Epsil mutters to himself. "Well. Lets battle."

Delta sends out her Murkrow once again. "Murkrow! Faint attack!" She orders the pokemon. The Murkrow disappears. Charmander flies back suddenly. The Murkrow appears in front of where he landed. "Charmander use ember!" Epsil commanded as Charmander picked itself up. The pokemon blew fire at its opponent. The Murkrow fell back. "Charmander! Quick Attack!" Epsil called. Charmander ran straight at the fallen Murkrow and sent it flying across the pavement. "Murkrow! Return." Delta called as she flicked a pokéball at her fainted pokemon. "Go! Hound..." She cuts off before she finishes and stares up. Epsil follows to where she's looking and watches as Charmander hovers off the ground, glowing. "Charmander, you're evolving?" Epsil asked as the pokemon changed form. The pokemon fell to the ground. "Charmeleon!" The now changed pokemon cried in a much lower voice. "Our." Delta finished her statement as she threw the pokéball. The Houdour ran out and pounded Charmeleon. The now redder pokemon fainted. "Return, Charmeleon. Go, Starly!" Epsil said as he sent out his second pokemon. The Houndour growls as Starly fluttered out of the Pokéball. "Starly, use Wing Attack!" The Starly flies at the Houndour, knocking it back. The Houndour grabs the Starly, biting it. The Starly falls to the ground in pain, fainted. "Already!" Epsil yells as he takes back Starly. "Let's see what you can do." Epsil sends out Riolu. "Riolu, use Low Kick!" Epsil yells. The Riolu kicks the foe, pushing him back. The Houdour falls, fainted. "Super Effective Attack!" Epsil yells as he remembers what he read on the board in the Trainer School. "You won't be so lucky with Seedot!" Delta mutters. She sends out another pokemon. "Seedot, use Absorb!" Delta commands. The Seedot closes its eyes. Riolu slowly falls to the ground, losing power. "Riolu! Use Tackle!" Epsil yells in frustration. The Riolu shakes its head, running at the Seedot. The Seedont continues to suck the life out of Riolu as Riolu pounds the foe. "Seedot, keep using Absorb!" Riolu catches himself as he falls to the ground. He winces. "Riolu, quickly use Low Kick!" Epsil cries. Riolu shakes his head as he falls to the ground.


I know its been a while, but I'm going to pick this back up and keep it alive for a bit longer.

_________________
Thanks to Dare234 for the Awesome Banner.
Image
{charmander} and {squirtle} and {sneasel} and {buizel} and {honchkrow} and {geodude} rock. (Get it?)
PLANNING ON GETTING 1000 POSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 1ST. HELP ME BY MAKING NEW THREADS THAT I CAN SPAM IN


So, this forum just got a revamp, its now interesting, we have a few members, we have some games, we're about to open a Forum Shopping Center to buy Pokemon and Items... (If we get store clerks). We have a WEREWOLF game, and I know how much Psypoke likes Werewolf, so If you're itching to play a shorter game than usual, sign up.


Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:54 am
Profile
I got -10200 in Jeopardy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:31 pm
Posts: 714
Location: Obsessing over my paper cranes (props to whoever gets this reference, no one will)
Chapter 7 - The First Loss

"YESSS! I told you I'd win!" Delta said as she returned her pokemon. Epsil walked away from her, his head hanging. He slowly walked out of the city and looked down at his three pokéballs. He sprayed the three of them with a potion. The balls wriggled slightly. "Charmeleon, come on out." Epsil said. The Charmeleon rolled out of the ball. The two of them slowly walked through the Route until the city could not be seen. The Route continued to wind ahead. A river to their left, a large cliff to their right. A few growlithe roamed the Route, as well as a Meditite. Epsil just walked past all of them. He eventually made it to a dead end. The river had cut off the rest of the Route. Epsil just fell to the ground in exhaustion. He sent out Riolu and Starly. The four of them say there as the sun slowly set. "How do we make it past this river?" Epsil said as he went through the bag again, giving one poffin to each of his pokemon. As the night overwhelms him he slowly closes his eyes.

***

As Epsil wakes he sees Professor Rowan staring down at him. "Wha..." Epsil says, surprised. Rowan slowly hands him a pokemon. "Here, take this. It'll help you against Roark."
"Than.. Thanks Professor Rowan." Epsil says as he takes the pokéball. Charmeleon, Riolu and Starly slowly awaken. Rowan walks away, back to Jubilife. Epsil looks down at the Pokeball. He throws the pokéball, unleashing a Squirtle. "Squir... Squirtle." The Squirtle cried. "Char..." Charmeleon cried as he slowly plodded through the grass towards Squirtle. Epsil pushed himself up off of the ground. "Do you know how to get us across this river?" Epsil asked Squirtle. Squirtle turned and pointed towards a bridge, further along the river. "Of course!" Epsil muttered to himself. The party of them continued down the river until they reached the bridge. Epsil returned Riolu and Starly, leaving Squirtle and Charmeleon outside of their pokéballs. The trio walked across the bridge, battling a few trainers as they went. As they walked along the large, yellow, wooden boards they reached the end. A few fisherman were battling a Gyarados. Epsil notices a Kingdra fluttering through the water. As Epsil took the first step off the bridge a man came up to him. "Hi, do you want to get through the rest of this Route?" The man asks. "Uhhhh... Yeah." Epsil asks as he tries to walk away. "Then you have to get through that tunnel. It leads to Oreburgh. There's a dead end up ahead." The man says, pointing to the tunnel. Epsil walks away thanking the man. He reaches the tunnel entrance, remembering the last time he was in a tunnel. He entered and saw two campers, guarding the entrance. Epsil slowly walks up to the campers. He makes it to the half way point of the dark tunnel.

"Squirtle!" Squirtle cries as an elderly man rushes up to him. "Hello!" The man says to Epsil. "Uhhhh... Hi?"
"Would you like this Awwweeessome HM? It can be used to smash rocks!" He yells excitedly as he Karate Chops a rock. "Sure..." Epsil says as he takes the HM out of the man's hands. He slowly walks away and looks back occasionally. The elderly man slowly rubs his hands as he whispers into a microphone. "Yes, yes. I've given it to him. The boy will soon meet Roark."

Epsil walks up to the campers guarding the door. "Would you like to get through?" The boy on the right asks with a smirk.
"Yes." Epsil says.
"You can get through if... You have a gym badge." The girl says, showing her badge. "Do you have one?" She asks.
"No. Why would I? Roark is the first gym." Epsil says getting a bit frustrated.
"Gardenia is pretty weak. Why don't you beat her first?" Both campers say together.
"What if two annoying, stuck up campers won't let me in there as well?" Epsil says with spite. The two campers stutter and move out of the way, letting Epsil through. He walks through with Charmeleon and Squirtle and into the town of Oreburgh.

The gravel crunches under his feet as Epsil looks around the town. He spots a few coal piles near the entrance to a mine. Machinery sits around the town with people continuously moving them. He looks over the machinery and sees a mountain tower over the town. A small wooden bridge hangs over a cliff towards the other side of the town. Epsil turns and sees the sun starting to set into the horizon. "Do you think we should head into the Pokemon Center for the night?" Epsil asks his two pokemon. "Char...!" Charmeleon cries. Epsil walks up to the Pokemon Center. He reaches the glossy, front doors. The doors open as he takes a step. "Hey, Epsil!" Delta yells as she runs up to him. Epsil turns. "Oh, hey Delta..."
"Took you long enough to get here. Roark is too easy to beat. He's in the mine now though." Delta says. She slowly walks past him and turns a corner out of his view.
Epsil walked into the Center and sees a few people sitting at the benches. Charmander and Squirtle rush ahead of him towards Nurse Joy. "Hi Nurse Joy." Epsil says as he returns Charmeleon and Squirtle. "Hello, would you like a room for tonight?" She says sweetly.
"Yes, please. Also would you happen to know what pokemon Roark uses?" He asks as he returns Charmeleon and Squirtle. "Here's the key to the room. Sorry, I wouldn't know what pokemon he uses, although I know he uses Rock types." She replies helpfully. Epsil grabs the key off the counter and walks down the hallway to the left of the counter. He watches as a Chansey and a Happiny sit in two chairs at the end of the long hallway. A few lights flicker on and off in the ceiling. Light flows in from the main room outside. Epsil walks through the corridor towards his room. As he walks down the hallway the lights become dimmer. He finally reaches his room; the last room in the hallway. "Chansey!" The Chansey calls in a loud voice. Epsil grabs the knob of the door and turns it. He opens the door and sees a small room. A bed lies in the corner with a desk on the side. A small chest lies at the side of the room. He closes the door and turns the light on using the light switch next to him. The light flickered and blinked off. Epsil opened the door hoping for some light. "You'd think they at least have a light that works." Epsil says as he sends out his pokemon. He places his bag into the chest.

***

Starly nests on top of a shirt Epsil left on the chest. Charmeleon and Squirtle weakly climb onto the bed. Riolu lays onto the ground and starts to sleep. Epsil checks his watch. 9:34pm. "Tomorrow we train, guys. Roark's going down." Epsil says. The memory of the last two days flash though his mind. Him getting Charmander, someone inside of his home, the forest, his mother, Delta. It flies by at once and Epsil falls back onto his pillow in the darkness.



Chapter 8 - Roark's Rock Snake

The light above Epsil flickered on. Epsil pushed himself up lazily. He looked around the room. He didn't see any of his Pokemon. "Guys?" Epsil says to no one in particular. A large clock appears next to him and blasts a high pitched noise. The door bursts open and a large cage wheels in. The cage holds Epsil's mother. Two dark figures rush into the room. They look completely shadowed, despite the light. The two figures grab him and shove him into the cage. He looks at his mother. She has his back to him. "Mum? What's wrong?" He asks him. The two figures close the cage and lock it. "Mum?" Epsil asks again. "You want to know what's wrong with me? YOU LEFT ME!" She says in a voice that's not her own. "What?! You were taken. I wasn't even with you. Dad was the only one with you." Epsil watches as his mother turns. He sees part of a dark face. She fully turns and sees the whole of her face. Half a shadow, the other half a sheen of metal. Her nose was just a flat piece of metal and darkness. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" She yells as him.

***

Epsil pushes himself up in fear. The woman he once knew was part shadow and metal in his mind. Epsil's Pokemon turned to him with a quizzical expression on their face. He wipes the face of fear off and puts on a tired look. "Let's get ready to train." He returns his pokemon and gets off of the bed. The door remains open he opens the chest and finds his bag. He throws it over his shoulder. He sighs, exhausted. Although rested holding the emotional stress from his pokemon is mentally exhausting. He walks out the door and into the corridor. He sees a sleeping Chansey. He looks around for the Happiny but doesn't find it. "Wow. This place is weird through the night." Epsil says as he walks out of the corridor and into the main room. "How did you like your stay?" Nurse Joy asks nicely. "Lovely, thank you." He lies as he returns the keys.

He walks out the door, fumbling with his bag, trying to get the pokéballs he placed in there earlier. He finds them as he walks and runs into a pole. Epsil backs up, dazed. He reads the sign in front of him. "Pokemon Tournament. Requirements: Two badges, 4 Pokemon at the most, must be an adept trainer. First 64 to enter. Prizes: 1st Place: Bulbasaur, 2nd Place: Bellossom, 3rd Place: Tropius. Let the Power of Flowers Bloom Within You." Epsil slowly whispers to himself. He moves away from the pole and towards the mine. Towers of metal and piles of coal lie around him. A large conveyor belt pulls rocks and pebbles along to Epsil's right. He walks around the maze of boulders and machinery and into the entrance of the mine. He hears the clang of pick axes and sees a small explosion in a tunnel to his left. He keeps walking until he finds a fork in the tunnel. Epsil stops and sends out his pokemon when he hears a loud cry. The three split tunnels lie ahead of him. One of the tunnels leaded to Roark. The light started dim.

"Let's go... Right?" Epsil asks unsure. Starly started to fly ahead of them into the tunnel. Epsil and his other Pokemon followed with caution. They stopped dead in their tracks. "Cawwwwwwww!" Starly cried ahead, in the darkness. Epsil started to run and found Starly lying ahead. He picked Starly up and returned her. "What happened?" Epsil asked himself. He looked up and saw the tunnel roof. He heard the cry again. A small Geodude started to hover out of the tunnel and into the light of Charmeleon's tail fire. The cry beamed once more and a few more Geodudes bounded through. A onix came and then a large Steelix. "What the..." Epsil was interrupted by a large Steelix and a few Onix bounding through the tunnel towards him. He started to run back. Charmeleon and Squirtle started to fight them. They defeated a few Geodudes and Onix but were obliterated by the Steelix. He returned them. Riolu ran with Epsil. Their feet hit the rock floor with loud steps. Epsil and Riolu sprinted into the light and out of the tunnel. They slid to the left and hid pressed against the stone wall. The Steelix slithered out and past the machinery. Once Epsil couldn't see it anymore he entered the cave again.

He sent out his Pokemon. "Stay together, okay guys." Epsil said, trying to be quiet. He took small steps to make little noise. He made it back to the fork and walked down the right tunnel. The darkness loomed around them apart from the small light of Charmeleon's flame. He heard the distant clang of metal and a voice. He kept going into the darkness, stopping to make sure his Pokemon were by his side. "Come one, guys. I'll protect you." Epsil said reassuringly. His Pokemon replied with a face that might has well have said 'We fight for you, but whatever.' After a while the voice got louder. "Another fork." Epsil said a bit frustrated. He listened for the voice and went down the left path. Eventually the voice was in front of him. "Roark?" Epsil called.
"Yes? What do you want can't you see I'm mining?" A voice replied in the darkness. At that moment Epsil saw a small shadowed figure move in the darkness towards him. "How can you see in the darkness?" Epsil asked. The figure kept moving towards him and eventually into the light. A Hypno moved out of the darkness. "Hello little boy. Would you like to come rest in my cave?" The Hypno asked. The Hypno looked like a regular Hypno but had a blood stained neck.

"How... How can you talk?" Epsil asked moving backwards.
"It's simple really, I just stole someone's voice. But you see, I have no skin on my neck." The Hypno said. He raised the fur and showed a muscly, red neck. It slowly drizzled blood and pulsated. "Lucky for you I'm not picky. So I think I'll have YOURS!" The Hypno lunged at Epsil. Epsil skidded away and the Hypno ran into the wall. The Hypno got up. "You want it the hard way? I think I'll take you foot too." Epsil looked down at the Hypnos foot and a saw a stub. The Hypno lunged at Epsil once more, catching him. Epsil looked to his pokemon standing back in fear. Starly and Charmeleon were gone. Squirtle and Riolu stood behind a rock, terrified. The Hypno raised its hand, exposing its claws. "I'll do soft and easy on you." The Hypno said with a laugh. It gently rubbed its claws against Epsil's cheek, cutting it and releasing blood. The Hypno licked its lips and rubbed its hands together. "Let's get started." The Hypno said.
"Let's not!" A voice yelled in the dark.

A man bounded out, blood flowing from his arm. "You!" The Hypno screeched. "How did you get out?" The man jumped at the Hypno knocking it back. The man threw a pokéball at the Hypno and caught it. "Names Roark, just so you know." Epsil just layer there, catching his breath. Roark threw the Pokéball at the ground and stomped on it, smashing it to bits. "Do us a favour and don't tell anybody about that thing. Pure evil mixed with a Pokemon." Roark shivered at that last statement. "C'mon lets get outta here." He offered his hand. Squirtle and Riolu slowly came out staring at the smashed Pokéball. Starly and Charmeleon swooped back through the tunnel at Epsil. Epsil returned them. "Cowards."
"Go easy on that them. Pokemon know when something is to be feared. And that thing was all fear." Roark says. They both exit the mine and enter the Pokemon Center. "Hello, how has your day been, Roark?" Nurse Joy asked. "Lovely, thanks. Just some mining." He replied with a grin. He handed her my Pokéballs and she healed them. Roark asked for his arm to be healed and she wrapped them in bandage. Roark rubbed his hands together. "So? You ready to battle?"

"How did you know I was going to challenge you?" Epsil asked.
"Simple, really. No one goes into the cave without looking for me. That Steelix was a test by the way." Roark said.
"Well, that test nearly killed me." Epsil replies.

Epsil follows Roark into the gym. He looks around. A large chasm. Three statues of different pokemon sit on them. An Onix, A Geodude and A Cranidos. "Is that the Pokemon you use?" Epsil asks, pointing at the Statues.
"Yep, raised them from an egg."
They keep walking. Epsil notes a few boulders around the field. The cliffs have a few ledges. Before Epsil can react Roark sends out Geodude.



"The Battle between Roark the Leader and Epsil the Challenger will now begin. You may only use three pokemon each. Challenger moves first." A small robot rolls out and into the middle of the arena. "How did it know my name. I never told you." Roark didn't answer.
"Riolu, go!" Epsil says as he throws the pokéball. Starly swoops out. Starly looks around in confusion. "I threw the wrong pokéball." Epsil says.
"Ha, don't you know Flying types are weak to rock!" Roark says with an infectious smile.
"Typing a aren't everything. Besides Starly's Ability is levitate. It resists most of you Pokemon Ground type." Epsil says, returning the smile. "Starly, Quick Attack!" Epsil commands. Starly flaps down at the Geodude, knocking it back.
"Beginner move. All attack, no strategy. Geodude, use Stealth Rock!" Roark says with a smirk. The geodude wraps itself up and a few rocks appear around it. Layering the arena in rocks.
"Starly, quick attack again!" Epsil yells. Starly flies at the geodude. It knocks it back again but not by much.
"Geodude use Rock Throw." Roark commands.
"Starly, sit on one of the ledges and push yourself away from the chasm at the last second. Starly flaps up the the highest ledge and waits. The geodude commands a rock to float up into the air. The rock flies at Starly. Starly moves away and the rock hits the wall with a large thump.
"Starly, once more." Epsil demands. Starly flies at the Geodude and knocks it against the wall. The geodude falls to the ground, fainted. "The challenger has beaten one of Roark's pokemon. Score. 0 - 1." The robot says.
Starly starts to let out a glow. It rises off of the ground and hovers. The light continues to get brighter and brighter. Starly starts to change form. "Staravia!" It chirps happily. "Staravia, return. You got lucky with the Geodude." Epsil says as he points a pokéball at Staravia. "Go, Squirtle!" Epsil says as the throw another pokéball.
"Onix, beat this turtle." Roark's says with a yawn.
Squirtle rolls out and onto the sharp rocks, hurting it.
"And that's what a strategy is supposed to do." Roark booms.
"Squirtle Water Gun. Oh and that strategy is about to go down the drain. Squirtle sprays a blast of blue, pristine water. Onix twists itself, avoiding it.

The Onix swerved and coiled around Squirtle. The blast of water hit the cliff and dampened it. A few of the sharp rocks joined the small wave of water. "Onix, use Rock Throw!" Roark demanded. The Onix coiled around a rock and threw it at Squirtle. "Squirtle, blast the rock away!" Squirtle started to gurgle water. The rock fell onto Squirtle, knocking it. Squirtle fell pout of the coil and onto the ground, fainted. "As you said, Typing doesn't matter." Roark says as he returns Onix. "Squirtle, return. Why are you returning Onix?" Epsil said as he threw out another Pokéball. "You'll see." Roark said with a grin as he threw out another Pokemon.
"Riolu, do good." Epsil said as he stared down at Staravia's pokéball. "It's just you and Staravia now.

_________________
Thanks to Dare234 for the Awesome Banner.
Image
{charmander} and {squirtle} and {sneasel} and {buizel} and {honchkrow} and {geodude} rock. (Get it?)
PLANNING ON GETTING 1000 POSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 1ST. HELP ME BY MAKING NEW THREADS THAT I CAN SPAM IN


So, this forum just got a revamp, its now interesting, we have a few members, we have some games, we're about to open a Forum Shopping Center to buy Pokemon and Items... (If we get store clerks). We have a WEREWOLF game, and I know how much Psypoke likes Werewolf, so If you're itching to play a shorter game than usual, sign up.


Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:16 pm
Profile
I got -10200 in Jeopardy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:31 pm
Posts: 714
Location: Obsessing over my paper cranes (props to whoever gets this reference, no one will)
Chapter 9 - The Road to Floaroma Town

Epsil looked down at Squirtle's pokéball and placed it on his belt. The sharp rocks on the ground started to dissolve. The cliffs spewed pebbles and dust slowly. "Cranidos, go!" Roark yells as a pokemon tumbles out onto its head. "Cranidos, Headbutt." Riolu ran from the Cranidos and climbed up the wall to the nearest ledge. The Cranidos rammed the wall, shaking rocks down. "Riolu. Brick Break its head." Epsil said. Riolu raised its hand as dust fell above him. He threw it down, striking Cranidos. The Cranidos moved back in confusion, dazed. Riolu jumped down and ran to the other side of the arena. The Cranidos regained its sense and started to run at Riolu. "Riolu, run at Cranidos and Brick Break it!" Epsil yelled. The two Pokemon ran at each other. The two blasted into each other at top speed. They both rebounded back, falling to the ground. The dust cleared around them. Both of them layed on the ground, fainted.

"Both Pokemon have fainted. Both must be replaced. Score. 2-2." The robot booms.
"Do good Staravia!" Epsil says as he throws his last Pokéball. Staravia flies out and onto the tallest ledge.
"Onix, destroy this bird!" Roark yells.
"Staravia, just avoid all of its attacks. Once it gets tired, quick attack." Epsil says with confidence. Onix snakes out and starts to thrash about hitting the walls. Staravia flies from side to side avoiding all of its attacks. The Onix grabs a rock and throws it at Staravia, frustrated. "Staravia, blow it back at him!" Epsil cries. Staravia pushes the rock back at Onix with wind. She continues to swirl around the arena. The Onix lowers its head as it is hit by the rock. Roark stands there watching, thinking. Onix continues to thrash about roughly, hurting itself. "Onix stop..." Roark abruptly says. "Throw a rock at Staravia but bat it back with your tail." Roark narrows his eyes and smiles. Onix does what is said and throws a rock at Staravia. "Whirl it back at Onix and get ready for a tennis match." Epsil says, watching the Onix. Staravia whirls it back and the Onix bats it with its tail. It flies away from Staravia but she flies to it and blows it back. The Onix misses this time and falls to the ground, fainted. "Yes!" Epsil cries excitedly.
"The Challenger has successfully beaten Roark. You may proceed to take the Rock Badge and the TM 'Stealth Rock." The robot says as it zooms away. "Good battle. Here's the badge." Roark passed the Badge to Epsil. Epsil pinned it to his shirt and took the TM, placing it in his bag. "Good Luck against Gardenia. Your going to need it. Also, you should join the Pokemon Tournament after you beat her." Roark says as he returns Onix. Epsil returns Staravia. "You did good." Epsil says with a small smile.

***

Epsil walks out of Jubilife with the smile still on his face. He looks down at his four pokemon; Squirtle, Charmeleon, Staravia, Riolu. All of them walk through Route 4. Epsil looks to his right and sees a small pond. A few fisherman sit and wait patiently for a bite. One of the fisherman look up at him. "Hey, you do you want a fishing rod!" He yells to Epsil. Epsil happily takes it and stores it in his bag. "Thanks." Epsil says as he walks away. He keeps walking through the Route until he gets to a large patch of grass. A few kids stand in the grass battling Budew, Bidoof and Zubat. Epsil walks through the grass with his pokemon trailing. "Guys, I'm going to return you for now." He says as he turns to his Pokemon. Epsil eventually comes to a cave. He walks in cautiously. "I'm so sick of caves. Doesn't Sinnoh have anything other than caves!" He yells. The voice echoes around the cave. He takes a step in and hears a small whisper. "The boy is going to Floaroma Town and eventually Eterna. Gardenia will fall at the hand of fire." The voice echoes through the cave until it can't be heard anymore.

Epsil ignores it and walks through the cave. He eventually stops, lost. "So sick of freaking caves!" He yells again. He pulls out Staravia's pokéball and throws it. "Know the way out?" He asks. "Cawww. Staravia!" Staravia cries as she flys through the cave and finds the exit. Epsil has to sprint to keep up but eventually catches up. He walks out of the cave with Staravia by his side. "And now we're on Route... 5?" He asks himself. They both walk through the Route. "The smell of flowers is everywhere." Epsil sneezes. And sneezes and sneezes. "I think I've got an... ACHOO... Allergy to pollen." Epsil says with another sneeze. They walk into the town of flowers. "There's flowers everywhere!" He yells. "Don't you like the magic of flowers. Isn't it amazing!" Delta appears behind him. "Delta, nows not the time to battle. Maybe when I get to Eterna." Epsil says.
"Oh, I don't want to battle. I'm just here to sign up for the tournament." She says with a grin.
"You've, you're already... ACHOO... Beat Gardenia?"
"Yep. And I'll beat you in the tournament. That is if you make it quickly enough. I hear only about twenty of the spots are left. The sign ups only opened a few hours ago too. Better be quick." She laughs. With that Epsil runs, sneezing. He keeps running onto the Route to Eterna. He eventually makes it to Eterna Forest, Staravia trailing. Epsil stops sneezing and returns Staravia. "Arceus, I wish that the Tournament wasn't being held in that horrible town of pink and yellow Petal Monsters. He walks into the dark, damp Eterna Forest. Kahuna hang from trees as Butterfree roam. A Buneary hops through happily. "Hi, I'm Cheryl. Can you escort me through this forest. Some Space men are roa..." Cheryl is interrupted.
"Sorry, not right now. I have to beat Gardenia. NOW! That is if you can help me train against her quickly and easily." Epsil says, rushed.
"Well... I have a Chansey." Cheryl replies.
"Does it have healing powers, look. Two cascoon. Lets battle them!"
"Ok." Epsil grabs Cheryl's arm and pulls her towards the battle.

***

Epsil walks out into Eterna. He looks down at his Pokemon; Wartortle, Staravia, Charmeleon and Riolu. "We've got a good team, lets go!" Epsil jumpily, says. Epsil runs down the road towards the gym. Running past people and pokemon. He spots the grass green gym ahead. He feels Riolu tugging at his pants. "We'll explore later. I'm sorry to be rude but I really want to be in the tournament." Epsil says. A light flashes behind him and people gasp. Epsil turns and sees Riolu starts to rise. He rethinks how Riolu evolved. 'High Happiness during the day.' He thought to himself. "But how can have high happiness if I've been making them run around after me all day. I need to slow down." Epsil watched as Riolu changed form. "Luca...!" Lucario cried. He kneeled with his arms down. He looked up at Epsil. "Lucario!"
"Let's go beat Gardenia, Lucario." Epsil smiled as he looked down at his newly evolved pokemon.

Chapter 10 - Lullaby Cave
"That kid was tough." Roark muttered under his breath. He returned his pokemon and left the gym. He started towards the mine and stopped. Something felt off. A little different. Roark looked around and saw no one. He kept walking but more cautiously this time. He entered the mine and started towards his usual route. He grabbed his pick axe where he had left it and started to mine. "Hello, old friend. Do you really need that bandage?" A voice said in the dark. Roark looked up and in the shadows. He grabbed the torch in his pocket and flashed it. "Do you really think light would intimidate me?" The voice said.
"Why are you here Hypno? I thought I killed you in that pokéball." Roark said.
"Ah, the old step on the pokéball trick." The Hypno walked out of the shadows. "Why does no one know that it only faints the pokemon. Pokemon can only die of old age. Anyway, that's not why I'm here." The Hypno replied menacingly.
"Then why are you here?" Roark raised its pick axe at the advancing Hypno.
The Hypno laughed "Its simple really. You've done your part in the plan. Now you need to be terminated before you let any information out. In short, time to die." The Hypno raised its hands and lunged at Roark.

Chapter 11 - The First Round of The Tournament

Epsil entered the gym with Lucario behind him. "Hey Gardenia, can we make this quick?"
"Errr, sure. Let the Power of Grass types blos..."
"Yeah, whatever. I said quick. As in Chop Chop. Not sliiiiiiiccceeeee sliccccccceeee." Epsil says in reply.


"The battle between Gardenia the Leader and Epsil the Challenger will now begin!" The robot boomed behind Epsil. "Each may only use three pokemon. Let the battle begin."
"Go Lucario." Epsil says.
"Cherrim, beat that Steel weasel!" Gardenia yells.
"Cherrim, Sunny Day!"
"Lucario, use Metal Claw!"
Cherrim lights the building in sunshine. It starts to change its form.
"Is it evolving?" Epsil asks.
"Oh, no. Just changing form." Gardenia replies.
Lucario starts to move towards it blindly. The sun blocks his view. Lucario eventually bumps into the now changed Cherrim. The light clears back to normal. "Lucario, Metal Claw!" Epsil cries. Lucario sits, still a bit dazed.
"Cherrim, use Magical Leaf!"
"Lucario!" Epsil yells. Lucario gets up and quickly claws the Cherrim. It turns to Epsil and shrugs. It turns its back as the Cherrim throws colourful leafs at it.
Lucario falls quickly, surprised.
"The Challengers pokemon has fainted. 1 - 0." The robot booms.
"Does every gym leader have one of these robots. Its starting to get annoying." Epsil says as he sends out Staravia.
"Staravia, use Wing Attack." Staravia flies at the still celebrating Cherrim.
"And again!" Staravia does the same and the Cherrim falls, fainted.
"I think I'll send out Turtwig. Why don't you have a Sinnoh starter anyway?" Gardenia asks as she sends out her second pokemon.
"Long story. 10 months long to be exact. Chop chop, remember." Epsil says.
"Staravia, just spam Wing Attack." Epsil says frustrated. At this moment people are signing up for the tournament. 'At least if don't make it I won't have to battle in a meadow.' Epsil thinks. Staravia flies at the Turtwig before it can move. It wing Attacks the turtle, fainting it.
"Already. Roserade, you know what to do." Gardenia yells.
"Staravia, you know what to do." Epsil yells.
The Staravia flies at the foe but the Roserade moves away and dashes a yellow powder on Staravia. Staravia falls to the ground.
"Roserade, Leech Seed!"
"Staravia, Any move." Staravia tries to move but sticks into the same postition. Roserade slowly sprouts seeds around Staravia. Vines grow from the seeds and wrap Staravia.
"Roserade finish it!" The Roserade throws colourful leaves at Staravia. The vines tighten and tighten until Staravia faints.
"Charmeleon! Get this over with." Epsil throws out his last pokéball.
"Charmeleon, ember." Charmeleon summers a small flame under Roserade. It ignites onto Roserade, burning it. "And again!" Epsil yells.
Charmeleon summons another flame that joins the other. The Roserade dances around the arena, trying to extinguish the flame. It runs while Charmeleon watches. Roserade falls, fainted. The flowers on its arms are slightly charred. Epsil sends out his other pokemon except for Staravia. He walks up to Gardenia and takes the badge. "Thank Youp!" He says as he walks off. "Don't you want this awesom..."
"I get it, TMs are awesome. Lose the act." Epsil says as he shuts the doors behind him. He heals his pokemon. "Sorry for the whole rushing around part but the tournament is really good. It could help us get a new friend!" Epsil said as he ran through Eterna Forest.

***

Epsil ran up to the Sign Up sheet on the desk, sneezing. "I hate these... ACHOO... flowers!" He looks at the sign up and sees Deltas name. He looks at the bottom and sees two spots left. "Yess!" Epsil yells. He gets pushed away by two other kids who write their names down. "Hey!" The two other kids look at Epsil. "Hey what!" They both yell back.
"You can't just put your names ahead of me! I was there first."
"Too bad. Put your name on reserve and hope you get on." The two kids reply and walk away. "Yeah right, the tournaments... ACHOO... in ten minutes." Epsil mutters under his breath. Epsil grabs the pencil and rubs the two kids names off. He looks back at them. Both of them laughing. "I was here firsts after all." Epsil mutters. He writes his name leaving one space left. Epsil walks away and sits on a bench. He covers his nose from the pollen. The two kids walk up to the sheet and start to fight for the last stop. Epsil looks away and sees Delta on the other side of the town, waiting. A bell rings, signalling the tournament. A man comes out of a nowhere and points to a building. "Go into there for the tournament. State your name. If your on the list you get in. When you get in we'll explain further." The man walks away, pointing to a building. Epsil grabs his pokéballs and hold them. Epsil walks into the building and get his name checked off. A few benches sit in the next room. Just a wooden floor, no flowers. Epsil sighs in relief. He sits onto one of the benches looking up at one of the three Televisions hanging on the walls. Epsil looks at Match 1. Delta is his opponent.

_________________
Thanks to Dare234 for the Awesome Banner.
Image
{charmander} and {squirtle} and {sneasel} and {buizel} and {honchkrow} and {geodude} rock. (Get it?)
PLANNING ON GETTING 1000 POSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 1ST. HELP ME BY MAKING NEW THREADS THAT I CAN SPAM IN


So, this forum just got a revamp, its now interesting, we have a few members, we have some games, we're about to open a Forum Shopping Center to buy Pokemon and Items... (If we get store clerks). We have a WEREWOLF game, and I know how much Psypoke likes Werewolf, so If you're itching to play a shorter game than usual, sign up.


Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:47 pm
Profile
Pokemon Trainer
Pokemon Trainer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:26 pm
Posts: 47
I read your story so far and I'm enjoying trying to figure out where things are going (and what's up with the creepiest Hypno I've ever read about :s)! I have a bunch of notes that I recorded as I read that I'd like to share with you! I'd like to make a few comments first, though.

1. If you're like me and have a hard time keeping interest in writing something like this, then do NOT go back and edit what you've written until you've finished the story and want to improve it. I haven't finished any story I've started because I always make this mistake. :\

2. I've been told my critiques can come off as harsh. I apologize if I seem that way; I don't intend to sound rude or sound like I'm better at writing than you are. These are just my thoughts, from one writer to another, on what I found through the story that you could improve as you continue to work on it. ^^

3. Don't stop writing. :)

Chapter 1
Quote:
Epsil watched the water trickle down the fountain. Watching for a few moments he spots a small card on the other side of the fountain.

Quote:
Epsil moves around the town square and back to his home. He see the slightly rotted wood of his door. The cracked plaster hanging off the walls. The dead pot plants hanging above the door. Epsil was ignored and nicknamed Ghost because of this house looking haunted. He walked in and slyly walked up the broken stairs.

You switched between the present tense (happening now) and the past tense (what happened in the past). Trying to write a story in present tense is very difficult (at least to me). What I've found that helps me through tenses is to ask myself, "Is this happening now and has it already happened?" every once in a while as I'm writing.

Chapter 3
Quote:
Epsil walked down the ladder and into the basement. He passed some of the hay stacks and walked onto the wooden flooring.

The basement has wooden floors? o.o This is something very random that I noticed and questioned in my head because I'm very detailed. I'm not saying it's not possible; I've just never seen it before.

It was during this chapter that I really started to realize that you're moving very quickly as you write. The movements through his house were confusing at times and all their actions felt rushed. One of my friends called me out on this when I was doing it. It comes off as being very rushed when it's just action-action-action without much descriptions or time for the writer to let the reader "look around" at what's going on and it was perpetuated through the rest of the story so far. You also miss a lot of good characterization opportunities for your character! There were some very very important things in his basement and it all happened in a paragraph; you could have spent more time thinking about how the character would feel or react to these things.

Another random irksome thing for me was that you referred to it as Route 1 and then later as Route 201. Discrepancies like this bother me, but I'm not sure most people would even notice. :P

Chapter 4
All of the random Pokemon doing stuff when Epsil enters an area is kind of... I guess boring is the word I'm looking for. It's like you're pulling up a strategy guide that shows you what Pokemon are in the route that the characters don't ever interact with. If you're going to put them in the story, then they should mean something to the characters or have some kind of interaction. They do it in the television show sometimes and I feel the same about it (i.e. Ash walks out of a cave and there are Pokemon flying around and doing stuff and Pikachu looks all amazed by them, but then it just goes back to the story and never really served a point most of the time).

I also felt like Epsil's Pokemon are overpowered at this point.

Chapter 6
Quote:
Epsil returns the Riolu and walks out of the building, to heal his pokemon.

Quote:
"Let's see what you can do." Epsil sends out Riolu.

When I first read this, I thought he returned the Riolu back to the trainer. I later realized that he was just returning Riolu to its pokeball. You should try to be a little more specific in situations like this.

Chapter 7
Quote:
He sprayed the three of them with a potion. The balls wriggled slightly. "Charmeleon, come on out." Epsil said. The Charmeleon rolled out of the ball.

Potions don't recover a Pokemon from fainting! xD

Quote:
The trio walked across the bridge, battling a few trainers as they went.

This comes across as very lazy writing. Those battles could have been interesting! Or you could just skip over saying this like you did later on in the story and just update the reader on Epsil's team status.

It's possible they did this in the television shows, but I liked how you made the Pokemon Center into an inn for the trainers to rest, as well.

Chapter 8
I lol'ed at the title, but that's probably just me and my dirty mind. :X

In paragraph 4, all of Epsil's Pokemon had been knocked out, but then, in paragraph 5, he brought them back out and they were fine. It doesn't work like that! D:

Quote:
"Come one, guys. I'll protect you." Epsil said reassuringly. His Pokemon replied with a face that might has well have said 'We fight for you, but whatever.'

Haha I just wanted to say that I approve of these few sentences. xD

Quote:
The geodude commands a rock to float up into the air.

He throws them; he doesn't make them levitate like a Psychic Pokemon would.

I generally don't like how Pokemon battles are carried out in a fashion that isn't similar to how the games are made. I know it's a ridiculous gripe, but the games have statistics and numbers and they get ignored when Pokemon are moving around. The example here was headbutt missing against Riolu when it has a 100% accuracy in the games. There was a later battle where Sunny Day blinded Lucario. You don't have to change anything to fit my personal preferences for stories, but I wanted to bring it up so you can think about it. Also, Stealth Rock is a very powerful move for a first gym to be using as a TM.

Chapter 9
Quote:
"Hi, I'm Cheryl. Can you escort me through this forest. Some Space men are roa..." Cheryl is interrupted.
"Sorry, not right now. I have to beat Gardenia. NOW! That is if you can help me train against her quickly and easily." Epsil says, rushed.
"Well... I have a Chansey." Cheryl replies.
"Does it have healing powers, look. Two cascoon. Lets battle them!"
"Ok." Epsil grabs Cheryl's arm and pulls her towards the battle.

I would slap this kid for being rude. XD

Quote:
Epsil watched as Riolu changed form. "Luca...!" Lucario cried. He kneeled with his arms down. He looked up at Epsil. "Lucario!"

This bothered me because Lucario is my second favorite Pokemon. He doesn't say his name (I could go on a rant about how silly that idea is, but I'll refrain...); he either speaks telepathically in human language or he grunts.

Chapter 11
Quote:
Epsil entered the gym with Lucario behind him. "Hey Gardenia, can we make this quick?"
"Errr, sure. Let the Power of Grass types blos..."
"Yeah, whatever. I said quick. As in Chop Chop. Not sliiiiiiiccceeeee sliccccccceeee." Epsil says in reply.

This is the point where I started losing sympathy for the loner kid you set up in the first chapter because he's kind of a jerk. :x

Quote:
"Thank Youp!" He says as he walks off. "Don't you want this awesom..."
"I get it, TMs are awesome. Lose the act." Epsil says as he shuts the doors behind him.

Yo the first TM was Stealth Rock. I wouldn't be complaining about them if I were him. xD (Now I'm just criticizing the character, which isn't anything on your end; I'm just commenting on the story. :P)

So yeah that was long, as I expected it to be. :x I think you would benefit from trying to slow yourself down and taking more time to write the story because I noticed a lot of minor grammar and spelling mistakes, which aren't a major concern, but that show that you didn't spend much time typing it out. I look forward to reading more. :3

_________________
Image


Sun Mar 03, 2013 5:04 pm
Profile WWW
I got -10200 in Jeopardy
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:31 pm
Posts: 714
Location: Obsessing over my paper cranes (props to whoever gets this reference, no one will)
Yeah. I kind of lost interest at the point of Gardenia's battle. I was also about to go on a week holiday where I rarely would have had much time or wifi. I wanted to finish the chapter before I left so I kinda rushed it.

I'm writing into the story a lot now and recently joined Fanfiction.com.

This also takes some time out because I'm writing a video game survivor and The Amazing Pokemon and this.

This is kind of my last priority because I'm about a 5th of the way in while on Survivor and Amazing Race I'm only through the first part.

So, yes while Epsil may have been a jerk in that Chapter, it was rushed so... Mistakes were made.

Also, I would like to point out that the story is all the way based off the games. If you haven't noticed, I don't think there was an EverGrande forest in Sinnoh.

That Hypno made me laugh as well. I have had a lot of time to write his parts. (Even to the last gym, I've been writing about him). I was reading Creepy Pastas one night and found Lullaby Cave. I read it and it made me laugh about how bizarre the lullaby was... So he came to life. I think you know what his main part of the story is now though.

The tense thing... I never really stick to one. In all of my stories, I find it so difficult to stick to one. I've heard this before and am always criticised.



The basement thing... I have wooden planks installed in my basement... Not that I'm supposed to have a basement in Australia...



The pokemon in each route... I stopped that later. I realised it was annoying to worse and read that. Considering there is only about 15 pokemon earlier in Sinnoh. And adding pokemon from other regions didn't help.

_________________
Thanks to Dare234 for the Awesome Banner.
Image
{charmander} and {squirtle} and {sneasel} and {buizel} and {honchkrow} and {geodude} rock. (Get it?)
PLANNING ON GETTING 1000 POSTS BEFORE OCTOBER 1ST. HELP ME BY MAKING NEW THREADS THAT I CAN SPAM IN


So, this forum just got a revamp, its now interesting, we have a few members, we have some games, we're about to open a Forum Shopping Center to buy Pokemon and Items... (If we get store clerks). We have a WEREWOLF game, and I know how much Psypoke likes Werewolf, so If you're itching to play a shorter game than usual, sign up.


Sun Mar 03, 2013 10:01 pm
Profile
Pokemon Trainer
Pokemon Trainer
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:26 pm
Posts: 47
Ah okay, that makes sense that you were rushed to finish it. :) And it's cool that you don't spend much time on this; I understand since I don't have too much time to myself. I was just giving my critiques as I found them and as if it were the primary thing you were working on. I do look forward to reading more of this when you get around to writing some more. ;3

_________________
Image


Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:46 pm
Profile WWW
Dragon Tamer
Dragon Tamer
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2013 10:33 pm
Posts: 124
Location: Right behind you
About the Lucario thing, with what he says, I find that I've been looking on YouTube for each of the Pokémon and what they say in the anime, to avoid making this mistake. If I can't find it, then I'll just say what kind of response they made, like an angry or happy one.

_________________
If you were offended by my post, just know that I was probably kidding. Probably...

Image


Sat May 04, 2013 2:53 pm
Profile
Ace Trainer
Ace Trainer

Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2006 10:48 pm
Posts: 357
Location: Australia
I only have one word to say.

TENSE

As in Past Tense, Present Tense and Future Tense. You cannot interweave them without forcing a juxtaposition on both the story and reader. This is sometimes an interesting writing tool to play with, but in this scenario it just frustrates and annoys the reader.

Storyline is ok.

_________________
"If I'm flying solo at least I'm flying free,"

www.youtube.com/ThePlastikOne

www.youtube.com/PsychesEntertainment


Wed Aug 14, 2013 1:29 am
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 9 posts ] 

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.